thinking..

have you ever woken up to the feeling that you just want to fall back asleep again? and never wake up till a thousand years later? you just don't want to be bogged down by the consequences of life, and it's not half as beautiful as the films claim it is..

ya. that's right.

lost.

there's nothing i can do about it. reali. in front of my frens in school, i'm always the joker, the most hyper one, the most entertaining one, and the most cheerful and happy-go-lucky. life is beautiful for me and nothing else reali matters.

but deep down..

u know wad? it doesn't reali matter anyway. like wad the philosopher my tutor jeremy was talking about today. other than relationships with people, there isn't much to live for huh. we're all just parasites. think about it. we depend on the world for food. even vegetarians kill plants to live (and dun give me the crap about the plants not feeling pain, and hence we're not killing them argument), and normal people eat animals and plants. brilliant! wad do we contribute to the earth apart from taking up space?

u guessed it.

nothing.

onli at the time of out death, when our bodies decay, they fertilise the ground. and in Singapore, unless you're rich enough to buy a plot of land, (of which it's going to be taken and be developed to build some fancy schmancy condo.. p/s: i think most of our school's bball courts are built on graveyards from the past) you can't actually let ur body fertilise the ground, hence, you become good for nothing. morbid but true.

think about it..

do i reali matter to anybody in this world? does my existence actually count for something?

now, there's a thought.

(no coloured posts bcoz of the way i'm feeling now. colour-less)

it's depressing man.