sorry? or not.

sorry
adjective
1.
feeling or expressing regret or sorrow or a sense of loss over something done or undone

i duno how many times i've heard this word being said to me le. u said it, my ex said it, all within a day. but do any of u actually know what it actully implies? it's not supposed to be an over-abused word that is to be taken lightly. if one says sorry sincerely, they'll reali try not to do it again. i'm not a saint, and i'm guilty of over-abusing it too.. but still. we gotta make an effort to make this word work i guess.

like the phrase, "i love you", is just a phrase that a person thought up a long long time ago, and what we are doing is actually copying whatever he said and quoting from him/her. it's just that we didn't cite the source.

when u left, u didn't know how empty i felt. reali lost.

den came the question: who am i?

i am no one to complain, to tell you what or what not to do.

i am just a person, insignificant and puny. (my opinion reali does not matter much. you were fine when i wasn't in ur life for the past 19 yrs, and i believe that in the next 50 yrs of ur life, i'm pretty much convinced that i'm not reali needed either.)

i am supposed to be ur gf. but it seems like she fits the bill better.

*laughs* a girl has a right to get jealous de, rite? she has a bf, she has a home and she has problems that she has to learn to deal with. so, why you? knowing that u were at my place, knowing that you were with me, knowing that you were not her bf? ya, i know i did ask you to go, but it was more because i was afraid of ur reaction if i didn't. my fault nonetheless, but someone has to sacrifice. and anyway, u'll still meet her even in u stayed with me till later. so, the sooner u meet her, the sooner u'll get home.. rite? logically..

i guess i was never in the position to even ask for anything. reali. what's the diff between ur fren and ur gf? it's the same. you would still let her kiss you (albeit on the cheek), u would still make time for her, you would drive all the way to pick her up like u did for me, you'd let her play with you like i do, you'd proudly display her pic in ur friendster (yups. on the bed with her bf and u), you'd still lie on the bed with her (although with her bf too). i thot i was special, but at the end of the day, i'm just...

normal.

what am i compared to her?

nothing.

it's always the case. guess what u said is true, it's always one person giving more than the other. that's why when my sis said i didn't let her watch the channel that she wanted, she said i was selfish. but if i let her, shouldn't she be deemed selfish as well?

u msged to tell me "Love you. I'll come home ard 2. dun stay up toO late. She talked things out with her mum alrdy. We're at the void deck just talking. Be hOme by 2 kie?" (since things are sorted out, why can't the both of u part le? oh ya. forgot. good frens ma. good frens before u were together with me, and still would be good frens if we dun end up together.)

i den msged you "You've got absolutely no sense of time de. Take care and happy talking." (dun i have a right to feel the way i do?)

your reply, " Im just giving allowance in case i reach home late. Pls be understanding." (so fierce.. it's as though everything is my fault like that. you know what? maybe it is. but you've proven so many times that your timing reali CMI de. *sigh*)

the prob with you? u know ur weakness, but you're not doing anything about it. you gotta start somewhere right? if this weakness is gonna be a trouble for u in the future, or even now.. *blinks*

i'm just a stupid loser anyway. substitute? spare tire? replaceable? whatever it is, i'm useless. plain and simple.

dun blame you anyway. i've onli got myself to blame.

God gave us free will, but sometimes, when we want to make decisions, it's already pre-decided for us. and when we don't want to make decisions, we have to. :(

but whatever the circumstance, i'll still give thanks to God.

"give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."
1 Thessalonians 5:18

God, i know u want me to learn a lesson from this. so just help me figure out what it actually is..

i'm clueless.