alone

ever felt so so alone before?

admist the entire hustle bustle of your life, the frens, the assignments, the readings.. one can get lonely..

sometimes, it seems as though at a glance, we have got so many things to do, so many frens to do, so many activities to get involved in, but at the end of the day, we realise that we're just..

lonely.

small, puny, alone..

our existence is not needed.

take me for instance. i'm not a loser who has totally no frens, it's just that, those frens are for laughing purposes only. to joke with, to lament about how much work we have, how sucky life can get etc..

i have no end of reading assignments to complete, and waves upon waves of assignments to hand in.. and ya, sometimes, i like it when i have to rush my assignments out. at least then, i'm occupied with something and i'll give it my 101% since it's due the next day. den i'll feel drained and tired, and hence, not think so much except go and sleep and how to find ways of doing that.. den i pretty much dun have to think of anything le.

i have a great bf. just that, when he's pre-occupied with his frens, which is pretty much always, i feel lost. coz he's the one always entertaining me. den if i got things to tell him or say to him, i also won't bother to msg him, coz when i know he's with his frens, he'll most prob not reply till much later, and like what my tutorial teacher says, with the advancement of technology, it makes u more easily contactable. and knowing that fact, when u expect someone to reply or call, every min seems like an hour, and it's even worse den when u give urself the excuse that u left ur hp at home. at least the wait for tt reply wouldn't seem so long.. (if i complain that my ex's sms-es to me was jia lat, his is worse! lol.)

lastly, i got my church activities that are enough to kill me. i've got camp committes to head, Cambodia missions coming up, ppl asking me to take leadership positions, these should be enough to keep me occupied for the rest of the year.

but why?

why do i still feel so lost and alone and empty when he's not around? ya, i know. loser.

better get a life soon.

sometimes, just for that moment there, it seems as though he doesn't care. like he's got even more committments den me like tt. for tt moment. den in the end, he comes back and is like so sweet again tt it makes me forget tt moment.

oh well, it's a cyclical thing i guess.

just bear with it and accept.