Exposed.

To my sweetest dearest melmel,

How to start this email was kinda hard for me. It took me alot of time on what to type and all..
I read my blog one more time again.. I read our MSN chat log again.. I don't know where to begin or what to say. It feels like I have alot to say.. but I want to say it to you in person. I want to hold your hand tightly and say I love you.. I want to continue cooking and doing things for you to prove my love for you.

My mind is always filled with the moment when we would finally meet again on the 1st June. How I just want to hold you close and never let you go again. Only you can set my soul at peace and at rest. Life at the moment seems meaningless without you.

Baby darling, I'm just like you.

Can I really give my all to you? Can I really plan my future with you in it?
Can I trust you that you'll always continue to want to see me happy?
When will you finally be mine?

My answer to you to your same question..
Of course you can give your all to me.
I've been wanting that all these time.
I'll never take advantage of you, I'll continue to cherish you every single moment.
All I want from you is to love me with all your heart.
And I'll do the same.
We'll provide each other with all the love we need.
We'll be there to share each others joy and happiness.
What's the point of being happy with no one to share it with?
We'll stand by each other when we are down, we'll go through hardships knowing that no matter what, we still have love.

And Love is All we need.

Melmel.. Carlcarl's heart cries at the thought that when at the end of the day, after all that has been said and done.. I'm still waiting for melmel to make a decision between me or Sam.
I fully understand that he is someone very important to you. But understand Carlcarl is also at the point where my heart is.. at.. a very uncomfortable position. I love you totally without a doubt.. I don't know what else you would want me to do or promise.. I can assure you that I'll continue loving you like before.. and it'll grow even more with time to come. When.. when will be the day that you take action? I can wait til I get back from Overseas then think about it together with you.. but please.. I fear my heart will not be able to handle it when I go to the army. With every weekend not spent with you.. knowing you're with someone else.. hurts me so much that I just wanna run away.

Could we resolve this matter as soon? Ask me anything you need to know.. I'll answer you..
I'm all that I am now. This is me. The little Carlcarl you know, loving you with all he has.
What Carlcarl becomes in the future.. it all depends on melmel.. how do you want to spend your life together with Carlcarl.
IF melmel wants to travel around with Carlcarl.. We can have a loooong holiday after my army.
If melmel plans to settle down early.. Carlcarl can always sign on to the army to be financially stable.
Who knows if Melmel even decides to migrate overseas like in Canada or USA.. Carlcarl would follow you too.
Anything.. as long as we are together.. Carlcarl will take appropriate actions to ensure we will be stable in life. Heck.. even if you wanna try job hopping with Carcarl.. working random jobs together.. it could be fun too. Melmel said she just wanted a home she could return to everyday right? Maybe even a family. Carlcarl can do that too.. I've thought about it and army is probably the best and secure way. I can even spend my evening with you everyday too. I won't have to worry too much about working overtime. I don't even have to bring work home. I just do my job in the day.. and I can spend the rest of it with you.

Sigh.. I don't know what I'll do without you though. With all the pressure from my parents to go overseas to study.. it is tempting.. however I'm not sure if I'm able to leave my friends behind too. I'll definitely be quite aimless in life though.. since I'm also a creature who requires love to truly be alive.

Melmel.. I hope to see you online later.. so we can have a nice chat again. I love you deeply... only 9 days more before we meet again =).

Deeply in love with you,
Carlcarl..



Mario on Magic Mushrooms!! Hahahaha