Ambition.

I guess everyone has some sort of ambition or dream right?
The passion for something they enjoy.
The dream of being someone respectable.
The joy of being rich.
The hope for a better future.
I guess I want to change afterall.
Maybe not much in my character.. but more of my mindset and mentality I guess.
If there's any thing right now that I've been thinking of these days would be the army.
I know its gonna be freaking tough.
Its totally not Carl to go totally raw and dirty in the jungle.
I like cleanliness and comfort.
But I'll be needing to adapt to the low standard of the army.
Since I'll be joining the Commandos.. I have to be mentally prepared for danger.
Killing and running from wild animals.
Sleeping on makeshift tents and swimming in the mud.
Breathing dusty air and getting lost in the dark.
It'll be a total culture shock to my comfortable life so far.

But I want to prove to everyone that I'm not a pussy.
I'll be capable enough to defend my country and loved ones.
I'll be financially stable to start my own family.
I'll make my loved ones proud to know me.
Somehow on a side note.. I just want to secretly thank mel.
You gave me the wake up call I needed in life.
Maybe I'm not so mature afterall.
I'm still far from the perfect man that you desire.
That's probably why you still aren't totally with me.
But it'll take years to shape me into the man of your dreams.
Would you still stay by my side or stray away?

Sometimes I just want to settle for anyone who is just able to stay loyal and faithful to me.
Since that is probably the most important thing to me when I'm in the army.
I still have 2 more months. 1 month if you take away my trip to the US.
I still wonder who would be the girl that will be fated for me.
Right now.. the perfect thing that could happen to me is..

to find someone who I'm able to find strength in our love.
I want to come back home from field camps or overseas trip knowing that there is someone waiting for me.
I want someone who loves me and only has me in their eyes.
I in return.. will do my best to make them the happiest person on earth.



Yeaps .. everyone has their lil secret trick.. even cats =)