do i have to cry for you?

you don't understand, do you?

love's not as easy as it seems. it does not work on the concept of i love you, you love me, like in barney's song. it's far from that. so so far.

you don't care, i've tried till i'm almost giving up le, and we're all on tenterhooks. we're hanging on by this thin thread that i duno if it's even there or not. i don't mind getting hurt time and again, if it would help us to understand each other. problem is, we're both too stubborn, too obstinate to do anything to change. u want to lead ur life, i want to lead mine, we both want each other to change, but we're not compromising either.

you always claim that you're too tired to think, i always think too much. we're like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, that don't fit, but we're trying so hard to make it fit. it's so so hard. damn hard.

my heart shatters eveytime u give me the "bo chap" attitude. but there's nothing i can do about it. i'm already trying already. both of us are way past the point of giving in le. we're so numb, so hurt, so immune.. i've gone from anger, irritation, giult and den spologetic countless times. but at the end of the day, is it reali my fault? or am i just finding a way to get back to you?

why why why? my heart is wrenched everytime u do not reply my msg-es, or i get so easily irritated when u just.. just can forget me like that..

i love you. i'm willing to give u my world and everything in it. but you don't seem to want or appreciate it. my time, my life, my everything revolves around you onli. and i wouldn't have it any other way. but i also duno wad's going wrong. i can't compromise, and you can't either.

i wish, i reali reali wish, that when i go to Cambodia, an accident would happen. to make u pay more attention to me and my feelings. i know army life is tough, but on the outside world is tough too. with the person u love being so indifferent to everything u do. everything.

i wish that there'll be some kind of freak accident, and even if i die, i'll die with no regrets. having you loved me once in my entire life, i couldn't ask for more, reali. i know i couldn't forgive myself if i intentionally left you, but to see u the way u are now, so frustrated, stressed, my heart aches.
i would rather leave, or even die, if it would mean a better life for you. reali. i would. but i know to intentionally leave would shatter your once broken heart, so i won't. but if i reali reali ever die, know that i did love you, with all my heart, and i gave to the point where i duno who i am anymore. nobody would understand the foolishness of the both of us. it may seem as though leaving each other is the best form of release, but i know, that deep down, the both of us wouldn't want to give up like that. we would at least fight till our very last breath, even if it kills us, at least on my part.

but i do know that, you reali reali loved me. every kiss u gave was passionate, every hug felt was real, and everytime u held my hand, i knew that u would keep me safe at all costs.. i know u reali loved me,but i reali reali duno how to close the ever-widdening gap between the both of us.. i'm onli human too.

it's hard on the both of us i guess..

where are you? who am i? is it still possible?

___________________________________________________________________

Nick Carter
"Do I have to cry for you?"

Don't wanna close the door,
Don't wanna give up on it
Don't wanna fight no more,
We'll find a way around it,
Where's the love we had?
We can make it last...

Tell me what I gotta be,
Tell me what you wanna do
'Cause I can't live my life
The way you want me to
You know I can't go on
Living like we do
Do I have to cry for you?
Do I have to cry for you?

So tell me what it's for,
If there's no winner in it?
Nobody's keeping score,
Let's start from the beginning
Can we make it last
Where’s the love we had?

Tell me what I gotta be,
Tell me what you wanna do
'Cause I can't live my life
The way you want me to
You know I can't go on
Living like we do
Do I have to cry for you?
Do I have to cry for you?

Do I gotta stand in the cold dark night
Till the morning light, yeah
Do I have to say
I won't let you get away

What do I gotta be,
Tell me what you wanna do
'Cause I can't live my life
The way you want me to
You know I can't go on
Living like we do
Do I have to cry for you?