Scattered. Army.

My posts are never reader friendly. Its all littered with scattered thoughts in my mind. I'm typing this for myself. To let my thoughts and emotions out. The only thing worth visiting this blog is for the videos. So I try to put in some effort in finding fun videos to see =).

This post is about change. I want to change.

Cause it's finally here!!
The Enlistment letter~! =O
I received a few phone calls, everyone asking where I am enlisted to.
I asked my dad.. "Got check letter box?" He says there is no letters.
But in the end, I couldn't take it and decided to go downstairs to confirm at like 12midnight lol.
My hands were trembling of nervousness. I donno why, maybe I'm hoping for the Commando letter, despite everyone telling me its not a good thing.
I just want to prove to everybody that I'm capable of something. I'm capable of hardwork. I'm a strong person. I want something that people can be proud of me.
Prove to my dad. Make my brother proud. Impress melmel. Tell different stories to my friends.

I quickly called mel even though she was sleeping and after a slightly bad day. I was nervous but I still wanted to share it with her no matter what happens.
The first thing that dropped out as I was opening the letter was the green slip of paper which had the title "Commando Training Institute." I was jumping in my heart but still donno how to react. I was smiling though, really smiling and shaking my legs lol. So I double confirm with the other letter inside,

You are hereby required under Section 10 of the Enlistment Act (Cap 93), to report for enlistment on 11 JUL 2008 (FRI) AT 8.00AM to SPECIAL OPERATION TACTICS CENTRE (SOTAC).

Its silly how I get so excited over a stupid letter. But it could be life changing for me. I'm becoming an adult. It is about time I put away my slacky lifestyle and do something useful for myself.

Now the main question to myself, now that I'm re motivated again, what should I do about mel? Things aren't going to well, mainly because of me. This kinda sucks, I got hurt by her yet I'm trying to make things work. What's wrong ><. She should be trying to keep me right? I'm the one who's waiting. That's what she wants me to do. She wants me to continue being myself. But does she imagine herself in my shoes?

Thoughts to share with mel.
-To be written-

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you do everything in your power to try to make it happen. But along the way, after numerous setbacks you sometimes lose the strength to carry on. You then try find other sources to draw strength from. To be able to give happiness to another person is to be happy with yourself first. I was lost, I temporarily reverted back to my old self. Playing games all day long, watching anime and keeping myself at home. I ignored my friends if I didn't feel like going out. Slept when I totally couldn't stay awake anymore. Ate whatever junk food as and when I wanted. I was depressed, I needed time, I needed something to wake me up. I'm glad my army letter came today, I suddenly found the strength to look forward in life. I want to train up now, I want to be useful, I'm going to be stronger. At least I'm not totally bumming around. I guess I drew inspiration from some animes I watch where the main character needs to constantly grow stronger.

So with this new spark of energy and life, I've decided to change my daily lifestyle from today onwards. It's going to be small steps, but with determination I'll accomplish more things in the end. I'll start of by sleeping by 1am every night. By 11pm I should start washing up and be ready to sleep. I'll start reading the newspaper everyday. I'll hit the gym everyday and do my exercise at home too. I'll devote my evenings to you once again.

I wished someone loved me even when I'm weak and down. It seems like nobody needs the needy. Therefore I promise to be strong enough to love myself, and you. Sorry for not spending enough time with you to make you happy.

Why can't you do the same for me? We feel the same don't we? Baby sometimes love just isn't enough. I need security too. Nothing is going to be resolved if you are not sure about anything. We are now both adults, we need to make our own decisions. Whether it is right or wrong, we need to take responsibilities for our actions. Don't regret the choices we make, but instead learn from it.
Don't ever hurt my heart again, for I will be depressed or even angry at myself for an extended period of time.
I'm giving it one last shot for you my dear. To stay optimistic about us and devote everything I have to you again. My time, my patience, my life.
I can't stop crying. Everytime I think about happiness, I think about you. I want to know how you feel. Know that its better to say too much than say nothing at all. If you're ever sad, turn to me and I'll always have ears and shoulder ready.
I wish to spend my days and nights with you again.
Where else can I find a girl who I'm able to play with like we are kids.
Where else can I find a girl who I'm so physical attracted to.
Where else can I find a girl who is able to make me smile and laugh whenever we are together.
Where else can I find a girl who is talented and capable like you?
Where else can I find a girl who is able to make me feel comfortable being with.

Dearest melmel, I'm pouring my heart out to you once again. I love you. I'm starting to love you so much that, I want to be with you every single minute we have. I don't want to see others with you. It hurts me so very much. I hope things will resolve soon. I'm willing to bear the pain if you still love me.

-The End-

It is a dream, to make everyone in the world happy.
It sounds impossible, but I have a secret plan.
And that is to start by making the people around me happy first.
I want to begin with you, and then I and you will make the people around us happy.

Gosh I'm tired. I need sleep. I'll write the letter tomorrow.
I should really blog more about my daily life rather than my stupid emotions. Sorry everyone.



Damn this life is kinda fun. I wonder if he's willing to take in another family member. But I guess I can't live in isolation as long as him. But its still cool.