finally back.

sigh. i'm finally back. from all the church camps, from Cambodia, and yes, i'm still super busy. so much so that Ken thinks that i'm neglecting him. i do agree that i'm to some extent doing so, but it is not intentional. and these things are just, necessary.

problems again. the both of us expect each other to be there whe we need them, but i guess the problem is that when we are both together, we duno how to express concern in the right way the other party wants, or we are totally too stubborn to actually try to be there for the other party. wth. relationships are reali complicated. he wants to do his things, but when i want to do my things, i cannot. mainly because i care too much about how he feels, i just cannot go ahead with something knowing full well that he doesn't like it. but not him, whether i like it or not, as long as its something that he likes to do, my feelings have to be pushed aside, and i no longer matter for that moment.

i duno la. maybe its double standards, maybe its just me, and maybe, perhaps i'm doing the same thing too, but i just don't realise it. there's so much to think about. and i think i've realised that i've reali been giving alot, but he doesn't seem to notice it. maybe my way of showing love to him, is just, wrong.

are we holding hands but going in opposite directions?

all i know is that i'm not gonna give up like that, but i duno how long the both of us can last, especially ken. i duno what is he thinking most of the time, and if one day he just blows, den i duno how le. as it is, i duno how to respond when he's depressed or feeling sad about our relationship.

the nights that we spent together at camp helped, i thought, but i duno about him. i enjoyed the fellowship that the both of us had, and i was happy that he was there when i needed him. but as soon as i came back to real life, it hit me. sigh. i duno how la. u expect me to reply ur sms-es, but u dun reply mine. reali. when i call you, most of the time you can't pick up too.

haiz. like that how? i reali duno how le la. guys are just so.. so different from girls. or i'm so different from you. it just doesn't work like it does in fairytales huh.

but i did learn alot from Cambodia and camp. but i shall share those with you when i have the time.