RE:

Melmel.. I'm weak.. truly beaten. The previous fight we had drained everything from me. I was scared, hurt and sad. I still am. I don't wish for a similar incident to ever happen again.

I have low self esteem amongst adults, I don't strive to be anyone special.

I know I'm never going to be someone rich, I'm the kind who would earn just enough to have a simple comfortable life.

If I'm rich, I'll probably become lazy and my money will slowly run out until I need to work hard again.

I have an unhealthy obsession with games. I have to play something everyday, whether is it 5mins on my iPhone up to a few hours a day on the game I play with justin.

Gaming is where I find real joy, I never get bored of it. At times I feel I could just game my life away or just work in a gaming company which pays peanuts.

I cherish my friends, secondary school friends (justin and gang), army friends - don't spend much time with them anymore but only in school, poly friends like Don (he's one of my best friends). Time to time I need to set aside some time to go out with them, they all mean alot to me.

I have alot of female friends, especially in school. Any girlfriend of mine would be easily jealous. But trust me on this, no one has even come close at all to love at all.

I can't seem bring myself to love anyone right now. I'm heartbroken, limited time, not working.

I can't see myself having time to care for a girlfriend properly... and when I do.. I usually would spend alot of time.. because that is probably the only thing I can give..

I have played too much. My studies really need some bucking up.

And to do that I need to study everyday if possible from now on.

I've already mentally prepared myself for studying everyday with only 2-3hours of rest and play everyday.

Momo.. my heart is closing. I think I need a break.. I know i'm being selfish.

I can't love in the state I am now. I can't give support, I only have so limited time.

I don't know what to do with us.

I'm not being fair to you now.

But after saying so much... you're still my weakness.

Suddenly being so nice so nice to me.. thinking of all the anime we haven't watched.. and all the other plans we had.

I'm struggling to put them away. I still don't know how I'll move on with life without you, I still don't potentially see anyone better than melmel.

carl..